If ever you are left to choose between boiled groundnuts and roasted ones, read on. This is a compilation which is a result of days and days of waiting for BMTC buses under humongous trees and facing various kinds of weather. So it must have a certain credence to it.
Advantages of boiled groundnuts:
1. They are covered, hence their pathological associations are extremely low and you are in control of your fate.
2. Since they are groundnuts, they ought to be tasty. But boiled ones are not crunchy. It can be an advantage.
3. More time to eat - peeling them off and eating one at a time takes a longer time, hence you have more chance of eating till the bus arrives.
4. More in one. Boiled groundnuts guarantee you at an average 2 nuts in one. Sometimes they go up to 4 in a pack.
5. Some groundnuts have an amusing reserve of water. Those ones which look at the head like an eager owl consist of considerable amount of water. Try squeezing them; they'll let out a shower of salty brewage.
Drawbacks of boiled groundnuts:
1. You never know what you can get. Covered groundnuts have a tendency to attract rot and decay.
2. Bloody hot they are. If you have the luck of your life and the bus arrives just as you get your one rupee worth of maal, try boarding a stuffed bus with a burning left hand.
3. Don’t meet a friend if eating boiled ones. Advantage no. 4 will turn into a problem as you’d part with more groundnuts each time he buries his hand into the packet.
4. Advantage no. 5 will be a disadvantage if you squeeze with the nut's head at a co-passenger’s face.
Advantages of roasted groundnuts:
1. Crunchy.
2. Not many rotten nuts as the seller would have sorted them out earlier.
Disadvantages of roasted groundnuts:
1. All the Nitrous Oxide, Carbon Monoxide, formaldehyde, methanol, propanol, what and all make there way into them. They are free, you see.
2. The fun that goes with peeling a groundnut is conspicuous with its absence.
3. Less nuts for one rupee.
There is one other thing of importance. The conical packets for boiled nuts are wider while those for the roasted ones are longitudinal.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
News on booze
What do you get by mixing supposed journalism with Bollywood-ish creativity? Star News.
One of the most entertaining channels floating around with a chilly-reddened tongue and a hidden camera as its vital body part, Star is seeing stars and showing decorated gas.
Like one of its hottest programmes, the channel sounds a Red Alert to all those who are indulging in unclean activities. The only problem is that there is no definition of what is unclean and we really have to be red and alert to its news, not to listen to it as truth but to be aware enough to separate the news from nonsense; because, with Star, more than any other news provider, everything is sensational.
Last week though had the channel in a really creative mood. Like every other channel whose newscasters and editors had got bored and battered by reporting the same rains, defeats and politics, Star too broke the news of the Indian team’s selection for the life-and-death tour of Zimbabwe. It was only expected as this channel’s breaking news infobar has become a permanent fixture. So it had to be filled in with a few bright coloured fonts and we were told that Virender Sehwag was named the vice-captain for the series. This meant that as Saurav Ganguly was named captain, the captain in the previous tour, Rahul Dravid, would be relegated to the pure-batsman position. This was a bloody serious info one got from Star as it was indeed too much of a sensation for even the BCCI to give birth to. As it happened, it was a lie. Some smartass reporter thinking he was kicking ass whipped up this frenzy, as the selections had, like in most of the previous decade, passed off peacefully and reasonably. But what took the cake was the expert view in the studio by a Star regular, Syed Kirmani. Kiri was asked about this earth-shattering development and the poise that he showed was to be seen to be believed. “It is a plan for the future,” he said and seemed to have no problem in seeing his state-mate lose the vice-captaincy in a week when he was praised by almost everyone for his captaincy in Sri Lanka.
What happened next, and if there was an apology of sorts (!) I wouldn’t know as the next time I switched the channel on, some Africans were showing their talent in making dollar bills (why don't they teach this in school) even though quite unaware of the high-tech camera as the channel’s vital part. Why am I beginning to feel a sense of nostalgia towards Doordarshan?
One of the most entertaining channels floating around with a chilly-reddened tongue and a hidden camera as its vital body part, Star is seeing stars and showing decorated gas.
Like one of its hottest programmes, the channel sounds a Red Alert to all those who are indulging in unclean activities. The only problem is that there is no definition of what is unclean and we really have to be red and alert to its news, not to listen to it as truth but to be aware enough to separate the news from nonsense; because, with Star, more than any other news provider, everything is sensational.
Last week though had the channel in a really creative mood. Like every other channel whose newscasters and editors had got bored and battered by reporting the same rains, defeats and politics, Star too broke the news of the Indian team’s selection for the life-and-death tour of Zimbabwe. It was only expected as this channel’s breaking news infobar has become a permanent fixture. So it had to be filled in with a few bright coloured fonts and we were told that Virender Sehwag was named the vice-captain for the series. This meant that as Saurav Ganguly was named captain, the captain in the previous tour, Rahul Dravid, would be relegated to the pure-batsman position. This was a bloody serious info one got from Star as it was indeed too much of a sensation for even the BCCI to give birth to. As it happened, it was a lie. Some smartass reporter thinking he was kicking ass whipped up this frenzy, as the selections had, like in most of the previous decade, passed off peacefully and reasonably. But what took the cake was the expert view in the studio by a Star regular, Syed Kirmani. Kiri was asked about this earth-shattering development and the poise that he showed was to be seen to be believed. “It is a plan for the future,” he said and seemed to have no problem in seeing his state-mate lose the vice-captaincy in a week when he was praised by almost everyone for his captaincy in Sri Lanka.
What happened next, and if there was an apology of sorts (!) I wouldn’t know as the next time I switched the channel on, some Africans were showing their talent in making dollar bills (why don't they teach this in school) even though quite unaware of the high-tech camera as the channel’s vital part. Why am I beginning to feel a sense of nostalgia towards Doordarshan?
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Cycles in circles
"Chandi ki cycle, sone ki seat; aao chalen darling, chalen double seat" - so sang Govinda to Juhi Chawla in that great film that glorified the importance of the sister-in-law, Bhabhi.Those were the happy times for films in Bombay. It wouldn't have been so had the Maverick of the East - Manoj Kumar - not tread on treacherous routes to pave the way for the great bicycle called Bollywood.Manojji took acting to a wholly new level of expertise in his earlier films, and when he made a film called Clerk with Rekhaji in the lead (both were aged less than 60, so they played college students), he took acting to a "holely" new level.
To decode that pleasing pun, watch Clerk on a DVD. But coming back to ManojUncle's bravura performances in his effort to pave that way for cycles from Mumbai go towards enchanted land, nothing is as commendable as his endurance-infused ride in Shor.If Philius Fogg took 80 days to circle the world and complete a cycle, ManojDada circled on a cycle for 7 days to conquer the world. In fact, had internet and the rest of communication apparatus was in place in 1972, ManojPaaji could well have broken Lance Armstrong's record in the Tour de France even before it was made!
It is indeed a pity that we laud Armstrong for making history on a cycle when our very own ManojKaka had done even better long earlier in the annals of time. Should we not give him his rightful due by calling him the maker of pre-history, then?To call or not to call might be the question for you, but I ask only two.
Q1. How the hell on earth did ManojAnna stay riding on the cycle for that long a time?
Q2. How does this co-incidence thing operate?
Ans1: He was ably assisted, like Armstrong was, by a few well-wishers. I can only remember Premnath. If ManojBabu was Lance Armstrong, PremMamu was his equally brilliant mate, Dance Armstrong. DanceChacha did all the jigs one can possibly do while singing a Bollywood song for the seventh day on the trot and while also keeping pace with the rider. So frenetic was his terpsichore that either his trousers were invaded by ants or he was electrocuted with a controlled and persistently-short circuit. HE was the reason for ManojBaboi's race of life.
Ans2: A Bollywood actress, once in a state of sublime fluidity, remarked, "If the choice is between congentital diseases, co-optex and co-incidence, I'll, without a blink of an eye, take the latter." Even though unnecessary, she had raised a valid point - that of the importance of the entity called co-incidence. How else can you accomodate the following sequence of events in the field of normal time? On Saturday, I go and watch the Cyclist, a film by Mohsen Makhmalbaf about a guy who circles and cycles for seven days to save his wife. The next day, DD shows Shor, and the One-Day match between India and West Indies excuses me only so much that I watch the cycling part in it. An even more weird happening on the same day is that I catch a glimpse of Pawan Malhotra in a programme on Sun TV (of all places) in a commercial film awards ceremony. Firstly, Malhotra was the guy who circles around a nukkad's circle for a few days for some reason in that legendary tele-series of the 80s, Nukkad. And on that day of the South Indian awards, he came on stage not because he is a South Indian or even because he had won an award. He came on stage to receive someone else's award. If this does not make you a believer in co-incidence, perhaps you need to see this article on some other blog too. In one stroke of genius, Mohsen, Manoj and Malhotra were united. Maula's maya makes multiple magic.
To decode that pleasing pun, watch Clerk on a DVD. But coming back to ManojUncle's bravura performances in his effort to pave that way for cycles from Mumbai go towards enchanted land, nothing is as commendable as his endurance-infused ride in Shor.If Philius Fogg took 80 days to circle the world and complete a cycle, ManojDada circled on a cycle for 7 days to conquer the world. In fact, had internet and the rest of communication apparatus was in place in 1972, ManojPaaji could well have broken Lance Armstrong's record in the Tour de France even before it was made!
It is indeed a pity that we laud Armstrong for making history on a cycle when our very own ManojKaka had done even better long earlier in the annals of time. Should we not give him his rightful due by calling him the maker of pre-history, then?To call or not to call might be the question for you, but I ask only two.
Q1. How the hell on earth did ManojAnna stay riding on the cycle for that long a time?
Q2. How does this co-incidence thing operate?
Ans1: He was ably assisted, like Armstrong was, by a few well-wishers. I can only remember Premnath. If ManojBabu was Lance Armstrong, PremMamu was his equally brilliant mate, Dance Armstrong. DanceChacha did all the jigs one can possibly do while singing a Bollywood song for the seventh day on the trot and while also keeping pace with the rider. So frenetic was his terpsichore that either his trousers were invaded by ants or he was electrocuted with a controlled and persistently-short circuit. HE was the reason for ManojBaboi's race of life.
Ans2: A Bollywood actress, once in a state of sublime fluidity, remarked, "If the choice is between congentital diseases, co-optex and co-incidence, I'll, without a blink of an eye, take the latter." Even though unnecessary, she had raised a valid point - that of the importance of the entity called co-incidence. How else can you accomodate the following sequence of events in the field of normal time? On Saturday, I go and watch the Cyclist, a film by Mohsen Makhmalbaf about a guy who circles and cycles for seven days to save his wife. The next day, DD shows Shor, and the One-Day match between India and West Indies excuses me only so much that I watch the cycling part in it. An even more weird happening on the same day is that I catch a glimpse of Pawan Malhotra in a programme on Sun TV (of all places) in a commercial film awards ceremony. Firstly, Malhotra was the guy who circles around a nukkad's circle for a few days for some reason in that legendary tele-series of the 80s, Nukkad. And on that day of the South Indian awards, he came on stage not because he is a South Indian or even because he had won an award. He came on stage to receive someone else's award. If this does not make you a believer in co-incidence, perhaps you need to see this article on some other blog too. In one stroke of genius, Mohsen, Manoj and Malhotra were united. Maula's maya makes multiple magic.
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