News on booze

What do you get by mixing supposed journalism with Bollywood-ish creativity? Star News.
One of the most entertaining channels floating around with a chilly-reddened tongue and a hidden camera as its vital body part, Star is seeing stars and showing decorated gas.
Like one of its hottest programmes, the channel sounds a Red Alert to all those who are indulging in unclean activities. The only problem is that there is no definition of what is unclean and we really have to be red and alert to its news, not to listen to it as truth but to be aware enough to separate the news from nonsense; because, with Star, more than any other news provider, everything is sensational.
Last week though had the channel in a really creative mood. Like every other channel whose newscasters and editors had got bored and battered by reporting the same rains, defeats and politics, Star too broke the news of the Indian team’s selection for the life-and-death tour of Zimbabwe. It was only expected as this channel’s breaking news infobar has become a permanent fixture. So it had to be filled in with a few bright coloured fonts and we were told that Virender Sehwag was named the vice-captain for the series. This meant that as Saurav Ganguly was named captain, the captain in the previous tour, Rahul Dravid, would be relegated to the pure-batsman position. This was a bloody serious info one got from Star as it was indeed too much of a sensation for even the BCCI to give birth to. As it happened, it was a lie. Some smartass reporter thinking he was kicking ass whipped up this frenzy, as the selections had, like in most of the previous decade, passed off peacefully and reasonably. But what took the cake was the expert view in the studio by a Star regular, Syed Kirmani. Kiri was asked about this earth-shattering development and the poise that he showed was to be seen to be believed. “It is a plan for the future,” he said and seemed to have no problem in seeing his state-mate lose the vice-captaincy in a week when he was praised by almost everyone for his captaincy in Sri Lanka.
What happened next, and if there was an apology of sorts (!) I wouldn’t know as the next time I switched the channel on, some Africans were showing their talent in making dollar bills (why don't they teach this in school) even though quite unaware of the high-tech camera as the channel’s vital part. Why am I beginning to feel a sense of nostalgia towards Doordarshan?