Mubarak ho! Aap baap ban gaye

"An optimist is one who thinks bullshit is fertilizer."
- Who else, but Navjot's husband

Since we have been discussing the importance of films in our lives, we have to understand the sub-conscious psychology that lies beneath various filmy aphorisms*. In Bollywood, every time someone starts with a "Mubarak ho", it is quite clear that a woman in the movie had gone out of pregnancy and entered motherhood. How many instances can we recall when a "Mubarak ho" has been followed by a "aapka beta paas ho gaya" or "Hindustan cricket match jeet gaya". It always ends with "aap baap/dadi/dada/mama/mami ban gaye" or at times, thanks to a crude script-writer "aap aur ham aaj se samdhi ban gaye". I feel a Freudian analysis would reveal that this is one of the main reasons why India has gone supersonic in producing babies, but so quick in improving the education standards. In the deepest recesses of their minds, these film-wallahs are not concerned about their kids joining a good educational institution. All that matters is that a sperm has joined a ovum. Well, they might argue that they are endorsing gynaecology.
But Mithun da is different. In his monumental (some say it is more mental than monu) film Do Numbri (which translates literally into number 2, as in, mummy! mujhe number 2 jaana hai), three actresses vomit a bowl of curd each, which signifies that someone is about to get the Mubarak ho thing. But it turns out that it is Mithun da himself who is responsible for the multiple-pregnancy social disorder. But rely on him to make a suspence film out of a tricky social and gynaec problem. How can 3 ova live with one sperm at the same time. Bollywood has seen polygamy, but not an orgy. Anyway, unorthodoxy is Mithun da's game in this superb commentary on moral values and immoral hook-ups.
But I have to end this with a report on the doyen of Bollywood badmen, Loin. Ajit saab was with Mona darling after she had heard the news of her pregnancy. Even though Loin was not happy with the quality of rubber that they had smuggled, he was happy.
Mona darling: Boss, hamare bachche ka kya naam rakhenege?
Loin: Agar ladki hui to uska naam Maria rakhenge aur Nick Bolletieri ke Tennis clinic mein bharti kar denge. Choonki woh hamare sperm aur tumhare ova ko milake bani hai to woh Maria Spermanova banke Wimbledon jeetlegi.

Mona D: Agar ladka hua to
Loin (after 2 days of thinking): Mubarak ho. Jab woh baap banega, log banenge, Mubarak ho baap ban gaya. Kisiko pata nahi chalega kaun baap bana.



* Aphorisms = A short pithy** instructive saying
** Pithy = Concise*** and full of meaning
*** Concise = Expressing much in few words...hooof, thank god it wasn't a recursion****.
**** Recursion = Forget it, get back to the article.